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昨夜反思

2017-05-17 18:12

昨天下午在GSDX上自习,精力不集中,老是想做那个事情,于是在4点的时候就撤了。在回家的路上就用陌陌和微信加了几个女的,希望她们是做兼职的。筛选了很多,要么就是职业的,要么就是不约的。我有点洁癖,希望能找个兼职的女人,觉得那样干净一点,哪怕相貌差一点也没有关系的。直到晚上10点多,如果还坚持约兼职的,或者良家,那是根本不可能的事情了。我之前约过良家,没有几个星期到一个月的沟通,让她对你产生感觉,良家是不会跟你上床的。所以自欺欺人,在QQ上找了所谓的兼职,其实我觉得这肯定是专职的,但是忍不住,所以还是坚持找了。
约好了在指定的地点见面,谈好了600上2次,我在外面等了2个小时才等来,本来说20分钟到的,太气愤了。没想到她到了,后面还跟来一个男的,说是把钱先给他,于是就把600块钱给他了。没想到他马上又找我要了200块钱,说是车费,我日,被宰了。但是600块钱已经给了,如果不给这200,估计他们就撤了。考,性急呀,只能任人宰割了。
跟鸡到家了之后,聊了几句就开始干了。她原来是附近省份的,长相还是蛮不错的,如果我能娶到这样相貌的女人做老婆,我觉得很满意。当然,如果按照我现在的条件,找个和她长相差不多,有学历的女人应该差不多吧。但是,我是在没钱的时候认识的老婆,加上父母催得急,当时自己也不知道未来怎么样,所以在那个特定的时间,找个相貌平凡的女人做老婆,也算是公平合理的。
3分钟吧,我就射了,本来谈好的是两次,没想到她说一次,我考,又被骗了。说网上跟我聊的不是她本人,所以不承认。明知道聊天的是键盘手,却我还是选择相信,毕竟他们是做这行的,很难说没有黑道背景。再加上在自己家里,不敢声张,所以认赔了。没想到她们真是贪得无厌,最后还找我要100的小费。也就是说,我在网上搞了一个快餐的妓女,花了900,就是正常价格的3倍了。深刻的教训,以后打死我也不在网上找鸡了。
最后再剖析一下找鸡的心理。一方面是处于生理的需求,因为跟老婆闹矛盾,去了外地。另一方面,就是老婆丑了。按照我外貌和现在的经济能力,完全可以在自己的城市找个漂亮的(老婆是外地人,在BJ认识的,靠近南部,皮肤比较黑)。所以现在心理觉得不平衡,为什么很多男人相貌一般,才能和经济实力并不好,都可以找个比我老婆漂亮的,心理很不甘心呀。所以得在心理上补偿自己,要么多找几个女人,找鸡或者是找良家,从数量上弥补。同时仿佛也是对老婆说,你占便宜了,我就是不让,得给你带绿帽子。
这种心理的不平衡,不满足感应该怎么解决呢?
1.离婚,找个漂亮的。
可顾忌是有孩子了,对以后孩子的成长是问题。如果再找个老婆,她会接受有孩子吗?要么她也是离婚的,有孩子的。这样离了再找,和现在差不多。
还要分割财产,虽然不多,当时也是自己很辛苦挣来的,老婆没有出过一分力。
父母很担心,投鼠忌器呀,闹家庭矛盾,父母老了,就怕经不起这种精神的摧残。
2.继续找情人。
之前找过,上了3次,长相跟老婆差不多吧,不过多一种体验。可是她也是结婚了的,就怕继续下去,有一天被发现了,于是断了。
3.找小三。等我很有钱的时候,年收入百万的时候,一年花20万包个大学生做小三。
这个主意好像不错哟,不过就是要等自己有钱了再说。另外,这种事情迟早会被老婆发现的。
4.等有钱了,离婚。当我有大几百万,上千万的时候,不在乎分一半财产给老婆。
问题是那时候我很老了,恐怕女人爱我的是我的钱吧。

总之,还是很纠结的。目前还在联系一个妹妹,希望她有一天心情不好的时候,可以跟我睡觉。我现在跟她是纯粹的友谊。

能正确的认识这个事情吗?如果我的老婆再漂亮一点,我也许就不会在外面找女人了。谈到这里,其实还是人的一种贪欲。贪欲恐怕人人都有吧,这是与生俱来的,只是看怎么去认识,怎么去阻止欲望的膨胀。就好比贪官,有权,又有钱,具备那个条件,干嘛不多找几个情人呢。有些有畏惧心理的,可能得到了控制,但并不代表内心就不想。人这个东西,如果没有外在的约束,任由内心的欲望驱动,什么事情就能做。

像我这样的心理,我想很多人都有吧。我只是想说服自己,怎样才能心甘情愿的接收这个老婆,而不在心理上去纠结,要不然好痛苦呀。前面讲到的那些,都是改变外部的环境去达到满足欲望,或者调节不满足的情绪,不是根本的解决办法。我在百度上搜过男女不般配的例子,比如富豪小扎,妻子那么丑,还有很多。他们是心甘情愿的,还是条件的交换,不得而知。

如果按照老子的观点,随遇而安,放弃过多的欲望,我这些想法是不对的。让自己心理接收,关键不是对不对的问题,而是是否心甘情愿的问题。有谁能说说,怎么可以做到心甘情愿呢?

 

想想自己的过去,上大学的时候,总是觉得自己很优秀,以后上了研究生,可以找个很漂亮的,所以对一般的女生都不接受,可是又有点自卑,个子不高,家里又穷,怎么谈恋爱嘛。上了研究生,还老是纠结怎么让自己完美,个子在长高点。觉得自己各方面都很优秀了,就是个子矮了,总不能接受这个现实,心理好难过呀,抑郁。后来想把自己练健壮,从另外一个角度来提高自己。虽然事实上不能,但毕竟把身体练好了。可是心灵的创伤依然很深。由于饱受高中时候暗恋的伤害和大学时,不能接受身体不完美的现实。让自己的心灵伤痕累累,恐怕后来的心率不齐这病跟当时这些伤害有很大的关系。

如果当时,我们早点接受自己,稍微放宽一点条件,学校一般,长相稍微好一点的妹子,应该没有问题的,可是自己又在乎处女。

考上研究生了,的确找了一个算是称心如意的女朋友,北师大的,cq妹子,长相可爱,说话娇气。对她很好,可是她自己和她父母都觉得不搭调。我个子不高,家庭条件不好,如果两个条件具备一个条件,也许她父母就会同意的。如果是在30岁左右,有好的工作后,找她这样的,她父母应该答应的。

到了现在,什么都能接受了,学校一般,不是处女,长相好看一点的都能接受了。早知今日,何必当初呀。在老婆闹分手的一段时间,那个女孩子外貌真的可以了。现在想想,就该接受她了。虽然她想要房子,可是现在的老婆不也还是要房子吗?

所以,问题的根源就是在于舍不得,当时舍不得,结果失去的更多。

现在不能接受老婆的外貌,可是再隔几年,我们都老了,在40多岁的时候,大家的老婆都不漂亮了,估计那个时候就比生活得好不好了。所以,现在立即看远点,应该多努力,趁早实现财务自由。如果那个时候,你还在乎女人的外貌,而又有条件找个漂亮的,那就找到吧。

好好的,快乐的活在当下,你的老婆毕竟是在乎你的,有个可爱的女儿,经济上马马虎虎。所以,要快乐的生活的。性来了,想做就做吧,注意安全。以后不要在网上找了,最好在现实中找。等你有了好工作,可以找漂亮的同事,或者社交的朋友做。

声明: 转载请注明转自 [秘密] - 昨夜反思
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